Reflection of the last month Part II

I am continuing to tell my story that I was starting earlier about my past month activities 

I am allowing my father to re-enter my life and I am tremendously cautious from past events that warranted my cautiousness. I will not go into details because it is very complex and somewhat convoluted. So I will leave it at that. I did get a call from him today regarding my letter that I wrote to him three weeks ago -He commented on my directness in telling how I felt about him and catching him up on my life as it happened 10 years ago up to the present. It is outlined in my prior posts which I will probably sent to him later. He gave me his new address where he is moving to and when I can contact him. I dont how I should feel about this but I will just let things play out and not worry. I am glad he called to let me know about his feelings concerning my letter. I wanted to hear this from him. But time will tell and I will know how he really feels then. 

On a lighter note I went to an open air market here in Cleveland Ohio  with some friends and spent some time browsing through and buying fruits and snacks and eating bratwurst sandwiches. Then went to a dinner with my significant other with another friend of ours for his birthday. I am truly blessed as I think about all the positive people in my life and how well I am supported on all levels through my journey to get a peace of mind. I am going to make it with their help. 

Until next time

Kirk 

Reflections of the past month

I am sorry I have not updated since the 22th of July, boy time does fly and not always when you are having fun. I am kidding somewhat. Every experience teaches you something to reflect on at a later date and help connect the dots. 

I have just had a month anniversary for my radiation treatments for prostate cancer- I am feeling ok but having side effects from the radiation that affects my ability to effectively go to the bathroom. I talked about the side effects with my doctor and he reassured me that it was normal and after the treatments it will subside. Boy Sept 5th hurry up Yikes . It is painful and he has dosed me with pills and fiber to help with those issues. I do get reminded how severe my disease can be if not treated properly. So I am not minimizing my situation but not blowing it out of proportion . I like to keep things in life at a balance-Good luck with that huh! 

I also have started a job at the VA Hospital where I am recieving treatment -it works out great for me since I am work from 8 to 4 and then at 5pm I go to the my treatment for another 15 mins and I am done for the day - I have to tell you that I am excited about working but need to be readjusted to working with people after 4 years of being unemployed. 

The job is not a high paying one and it seems to be a haven for veterans that are going through recovery from alcoholism and drug user. I am in recovery from grieving loved ones that passed on and now struggling with the feelings having this cancer and it impact on my state of mind which is still in healing phase. 

I am going to close temporarily to go on a needed walk to clear my head -My roommate suggested it and I am reluctantly going to go since it will be good for my recovery Right!

Until later on today 

My story will continue -Believe me I have a lot to say since my last entry .

Kirk

Facebook Prank: Why I Suddenly Started Attracting Gay Men

Always secure your facebook password...This is both interesting and hilarious Read it

read more | digg story

More drama in my life

 I am anxious about several things lately -lets start with the continuing saga with my radiation therapy-I am getting side effects from the treatments consisting of painful and stinging urination -it was expected ,but I did not think it would be a severe issue. I was told by the techs in radiology to drink plenty of water and cranberry juice. I did start that today and I think it is helping. I have until Sept 5 and I cannot wait for the last day. In spite of everything I have a great support system from family and friends. The trip on public transportation helps with my anxiety and fear of the unknown. It is a 40 minute ride on a bus and then a train to the VA Hospital. 

"What ifs" fill my head as well as "I shoulds"-terms I should stay away from. I have added some more food to my overloaded plate. Another self-induced challenge. My dad has connected to me via another brother who lives in a suburb  of Cleveland. He wants to reinitiate a reunion that would be the worst thing I can agree to since the last "reunion" was a disaster. That would be part of another lengthy blog. 

Anyhow I did write him after we talked on the phone for maybe a total of 20 minutes and he gave me his address to write him. For some strange reason it took awhile for that to click in that he wanted me to write him first. I was thinking way ahead to the physical communication we would have and what I would say to him. Instead I wrote basically what i would say in person to him.As I told a friend of mine it was respectful but harsh. So I am anxious to get a reply and unfortunately I will have to reread his letter to try to decipher what he means since he has a knack for mixing words to confuse the reader. I am aware of that and I will analyze. This is idiotic to even think of from a moral standpoint. This is another chapter in my life and I know this is going to release me from so much anxiety it is unfathomable. 
I am truly blessed to not be bitter and angry about how my life was growing up -I could write a small novel -Maybe one day

Until next time
Kirk

Some good news

I just found that I got my financial aid reinstated from the appeal I made earlier this month regarding the pursuit of a Master's in Information Technology @ CapellaUniversity. Needless to say I was happy ,although I will be on probation for the next quarter which will probably be in the fall if I feel up to it.

Based on my prior posts I am getting treatment for prostate cancer and due to the impact of that diagnosis on my state of mind, my college studies were severely affected to the point of falling below my requirements to receive financial aid . Graduate students have to maintain a 3.o to recieve financial aid and it was going well up until March of this year when I got my diagnosis. I badly need to have some something going on  in my life and going back to college was a great idea. I started in Dec 2006 and it was difficult at first and I failed my first class and that started that process.

My grades stayed above that 3.0 until recently . I failed two classes in the winter and spring quarter so I did take off to concentrate on my health full time and then I got that email from financial aid which I know was coming,since I knew the rule and regulations regarding financial aid for graduate students. I was mentally prepared to fight it since I know it could not be helped although I did try to complete them without concentrating on my disease. But it did not work. So I am stepping back and taking care of my mental and physical state of mind and will probably start back on my college journey in either the fall or the winter quarter.

Time will tell right?

Until next time

Kirk

Health and Fitness update

On the second week of my treatment for cancer I have many things that I have to contemplate -and that is just what I have been aware for five years -the new piece to the puzzle of my life is my dad reappearing in my life. It was of my own choosing but I founf out I am not as ready to face this new challenge as I though I would be. It put me in a great state of anxiety which I would rather not have. But everything happens for a reason and I guess I will find out as soon as I write this letter that he suggests I write to sort of "break the ice" with him. It has been 10 years at the least since I last talked to him. That means I have to fill him in on what has been happening in our family for the time is what not present in it.

Ok enough about that my health and fitness is taking its baby steps I am still working out in my apt. with calisthenics and my db's -I will try to do it more than once a week the issue is where do I get the motivation. I know it has to come from deep down inside -I am all tapped out -Hopefully things will change with the help and support that I am recieving from my friends and family.  

Until next time 

Ciao

Kirk

Day in the Life

On Monday July 7, I start my radiology treatments for my prostate cancer at VA Hospital at 5:30 pm and will be going as an outpatient for ,I believe, 15 min every week day until Sept. 5th -I did not anticipate how lengthy it will be. Granted I did sign up for this type of treatment, although I had many options ,none which satisfied me. My prognosis is great since as stated in earlier posts it was caught early and it is a treatable cancer. That word "cancer" has such a horrendous impact on the individual that it has or will affect, whether it is of a short or long term nature . I am faced with yet another challenge after the death of my partner in 2003 and of my mom from kidney failure due to complications from her dementia. And I am dealing with it as best as I can.Things are constantly put into perspective when I go to the VA and see and hear the tragedy of war from the veterans that are physically and mentally scarred by former  and currents wars. Truly mind boggling. 



Anyway I am in a quandary as what to do now since I have temporarily stopped going to school to focus on my new challenge and refocus on other issues that need to be addressed. When it happens I will update my blog with the new details of my journey 

Wish me luck.

Kirk