I am anxious about several things lately -lets start with the continuing saga with my radiation therapy-I am getting side effects from the treatments consisting of painful and stinging urination -it was expected ,but I did not think it would be a severe issue. I was told by the techs in radiology to drink plenty of water and cranberry juice. I did start that today and I think it is helping. I have until Sept 5 and I cannot wait for the last day. In spite of everything I have a great support system from family and friends. The trip on public transportation helps with my anxiety and fear of the unknown. It is a 40 minute ride on a bus and then a train to the VA Hospital.
"What ifs" fill my head as well as "I shoulds"-terms I should stay away from. I have added some more food to my overloaded plate. Another self-induced challenge. My dad has connected to me via another brother who lives in a suburb of Cleveland. He wants to reinitiate a reunion that would be the worst thing I can agree to since the last "reunion" was a disaster. That would be part of another lengthy blog.
Anyhow I did write him after we talked on the phone for maybe a total of 20 minutes and he gave me his address to write him. For some strange reason it took awhile for that to click in that he wanted me to write him first. I was thinking way ahead to the physical communication we would have and what I would say to him. Instead I wrote basically what i would say in person to him.As I told a friend of mine it was respectful but harsh. So I am anxious to get a reply and unfortunately I will have to reread his letter to try to decipher what he means since he has a knack for mixing words to confuse the reader. I am aware of that and I will analyze. This is idiotic to even think of from a moral standpoint. This is another chapter in my life and I know this is going to release me from so much anxiety it is unfathomable.
I am truly blessed to not be bitter and angry about how my life was growing up -I could write a small novel -Maybe one day
Until next time
- ► 2009 (33)