Wednesday, July 23, 2008

More drama in my life

 I am anxious about several things lately -lets start with the continuing saga with my radiation therapy-I am getting side effects from the treatments consisting of painful and stinging urination -it was expected ,but I did not think it would be a severe issue. I was told by the techs in radiology to drink plenty of water and cranberry juice. I did start that today and I think it is helping. I have until Sept 5 and I cannot wait for the last day. In spite of everything I have a great support system from family and friends. The trip on public transportation helps with my anxiety and fear of the unknown. It is a 40 minute ride on a bus and then a train to the VA Hospital. 

"What ifs" fill my head as well as "I shoulds"-terms I should stay away from. I have added some more food to my overloaded plate. Another self-induced challenge. My dad has connected to me via another brother who lives in a suburb  of Cleveland. He wants to reinitiate a reunion that would be the worst thing I can agree to since the last "reunion" was a disaster. That would be part of another lengthy blog. 

Anyhow I did write him after we talked on the phone for maybe a total of 20 minutes and he gave me his address to write him. For some strange reason it took awhile for that to click in that he wanted me to write him first. I was thinking way ahead to the physical communication we would have and what I would say to him. Instead I wrote basically what i would say in person to him.As I told a friend of mine it was respectful but harsh. So I am anxious to get a reply and unfortunately I will have to reread his letter to try to decipher what he means since he has a knack for mixing words to confuse the reader. I am aware of that and I will analyze. This is idiotic to even think of from a moral standpoint. This is another chapter in my life and I know this is going to release me from so much anxiety it is unfathomable. 
I am truly blessed to not be bitter and angry about how my life was growing up -I could write a small novel -Maybe one day

Until next time
Kirk

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Some good news

I just found that I got my financial aid reinstated from the appeal I made earlier this month regarding the pursuit of a Master's in Information Technology @ CapellaUniversity. Needless to say I was happy ,although I will be on probation for the next quarter which will probably be in the fall if I feel up to it.

Based on my prior posts I am getting treatment for prostate cancer and due to the impact of that diagnosis on my state of mind, my college studies were severely affected to the point of falling below my requirements to receive financial aid . Graduate students have to maintain a 3.o to recieve financial aid and it was going well up until March of this year when I got my diagnosis. I badly need to have some something going on  in my life and going back to college was a great idea. I started in Dec 2006 and it was difficult at first and I failed my first class and that started that process.

My grades stayed above that 3.0 until recently . I failed two classes in the winter and spring quarter so I did take off to concentrate on my health full time and then I got that email from financial aid which I know was coming,since I knew the rule and regulations regarding financial aid for graduate students. I was mentally prepared to fight it since I know it could not be helped although I did try to complete them without concentrating on my disease. But it did not work. So I am stepping back and taking care of my mental and physical state of mind and will probably start back on my college journey in either the fall or the winter quarter.

Time will tell right?

Until next time

Kirk

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Health and Fitness update

On the second week of my treatment for cancer I have many things that I have to contemplate -and that is just what I have been aware for five years -the new piece to the puzzle of my life is my dad reappearing in my life. It was of my own choosing but I founf out I am not as ready to face this new challenge as I though I would be. It put me in a great state of anxiety which I would rather not have. But everything happens for a reason and I guess I will find out as soon as I write this letter that he suggests I write to sort of "break the ice" with him. It has been 10 years at the least since I last talked to him. That means I have to fill him in on what has been happening in our family for the time is what not present in it.

Ok enough about that my health and fitness is taking its baby steps I am still working out in my apt. with calisthenics and my db's -I will try to do it more than once a week the issue is where do I get the motivation. I know it has to come from deep down inside -I am all tapped out -Hopefully things will change with the help and support that I am recieving from my friends and family.  

Until next time 

Ciao

Kirk

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Day in the Life

On Monday July 7, I start my radiology treatments for my prostate cancer at VA Hospital at 5:30 pm and will be going as an outpatient for ,I believe, 15 min every week day until Sept. 5th -I did not anticipate how lengthy it will be. Granted I did sign up for this type of treatment, although I had many options ,none which satisfied me. My prognosis is great since as stated in earlier posts it was caught early and it is a treatable cancer. That word "cancer" has such a horrendous impact on the individual that it has or will affect, whether it is of a short or long term nature . I am faced with yet another challenge after the death of my partner in 2003 and of my mom from kidney failure due to complications from her dementia. And I am dealing with it as best as I can.Things are constantly put into perspective when I go to the VA and see and hear the tragedy of war from the veterans that are physically and mentally scarred by former  and currents wars. Truly mind boggling. 



Anyway I am in a quandary as what to do now since I have temporarily stopped going to school to focus on my new challenge and refocus on other issues that need to be addressed. When it happens I will update my blog with the new details of my journey 

Wish me luck.

Kirk

Monday, July 7, 2008

Another Chapter Starts

On Monday July 7, I start my radiology treatments for my prostate cancer at VA Hospital at 5:30 pm and will be going as an outpatient for ,I believe, 15 min every week day until Sept. 5th -I did not anticipate how lengthy it will be. Granted I did sign up for this type of treatment, although I had many options ,none which satisfied me. My prognosis is great since as stated in earlier posts it was caught early and it is a treatable cancer. That word "cancer" has such a horrendous impact on the individual that it has or will affect, whether it is of a short or long term nauture. I am faced with yet another challenge after the death of my partner in 2003 and of my mom from kidney failure due to complications from her dementia. And I am dealing with it as best as I can.Things are constantly put into perspective when I go to the VA and see and hear the tragedy of war from the veterans that are physically and mentally scarred by formaer and currents wars. Truly mind boggling. 


Anyway I am in a quandary as what to do now since I have temporarily stopped going to school to focus on my new challenge and refocus on other issues that need to be addressed. When it happens I will update my blog with the new details of my journey

Wish me luck.

Kirk

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