My journey continues

I know that I have not posted in a while but here I go.
My recent turn of events have been without fanfare. Since July when my treatments for prostate cancer started , I have worked at VA Hospital as a patient escort to refocus on taking care of myself by caring for others and temporarily quit school-I did exercise while working because it involves walking and escorting patients by wheelchair, litter or bed plus walking up and down stairs,along with occasionally working out at home with my exercise wheel. Presently I have quit the job and went back to school to finish my degree in Information Technology-My mind is on working out but the motivation is not there-I am frustrated
Does anyone have any suggestions on what I can do?
I am open to any suggestion ,ideas or comments
Until next time
Kirk

I am done!

As of this writing I am done with my radiation treatements for my prostate cancer-it lasted a total of 45 days 5 days a week- I am so done literally - the radiation caused inside bruising as described by my oncologist within my bladder and the rest of my reproductive organs and it caused tremendous amounts of pain and pressure. Without getting to the R-rated version it was painful when using these organs to do what everyday people do on a daily basis. So it if you know what I mean then I will move on. 

I did get a Certificate of Completion with all my doctors' names of it . Quite a interesting event for me. I am still in the process of returning to my online courses to complete my Master's in Information Technology.

I have to get another loan from the goverment since my former loan company is now defunct.  So I am in the middle of completing another one. I am also working at the VA Hospital here in Cleveland Ohio as a patient escort. It is filling a void right now since I temporarily stopped taking classes. So the question remains if I can do both ,although the job does not pay much it occupies my mind in the best way. I am wondering if I will be able to do both (the job and my online courses) Time will tell.

And of course I still am thinking about the other projects that were put on hold since my diagnosis ( finding my biological mother and finding a specific suicide survivor group in my area to talk about my issues regarding the death of a close friend from sucide in 2003 and also beginning to grieve the death of my mom in 2005. 

I believe God is going to guide in the right direction at the right time. I must remember and review the Serenity Prayer which is posted in my apartment for just that purpose.

My workouts will be included so that now I can work on the outside of my body as well as the inside Time will tell.

I congratulate myself for my recent accomplishment and will have to keep my past ones in mind to enrich my self esteem. 

With that said 
I remain until next time

Kirk

Reflections of the past month

I am sorry I have not updated since the 22th of July, boy time does fly and not always when you are having fun. I am kidding somewhat. Every experience teaches you something to reflect on at a later date and help connect the dots. 

I have just had a month anniversary for my radiation treatments for prostate cancer- I am feeling ok but having side effects from the radiation that affects my ability to effectively go to the bathroom. I talked about the side effects with my doctor and he reassured me that it was normal and after the treatments it will subside. Boy Sept 5th hurry up Yikes . It is painful and he has dosed me with pills and fiber to help with those issues. I do get reminded how severe my disease can be if not treated properly. So I am not minimizing my situation but not blowing it out of proportion . I like to keep things in life at a balance-Good luck with that huh! 

I also have started a job at the VA Hospital where I am recieving treatment -it works out great for me since I am work from 8 to 4 and then at 5pm I go to the my treatment for another 15 mins and I am done for the day - I have to tell you that I am excited about working but need to be readjusted to working with people after 4 years of being unemployed. 

The job is not a high paying one and it seems to be a haven for veterans that are going through recovery from alcoholism and drug user. I am in recovery from grieving loved ones that passed on and now struggling with the feelings having this cancer and it impact on my state of mind which is still in healing phase. 

I am going to close temporarily to go on a needed walk to clear my head -My roommate suggested it and I am reluctantly going to go since it will be good for my recovery Right!

Until later on today 

My story will continue -Believe me I have a lot to say since my last entry .

Kirk

Another Chapter Starts

On Monday July 7, I start my radiology treatments for my prostate cancer at VA Hospital at 5:30 pm and will be going as an outpatient for ,I believe, 15 min every week day until Sept. 5th -I did not anticipate how lengthy it will be. Granted I did sign up for this type of treatment, although I had many options ,none which satisfied me. My prognosis is great since as stated in earlier posts it was caught early and it is a treatable cancer. That word "cancer" has such a horrendous impact on the individual that it has or will affect, whether it is of a short or long term nauture. I am faced with yet another challenge after the death of my partner in 2003 and of my mom from kidney failure due to complications from her dementia. And I am dealing with it as best as I can.Things are constantly put into perspective when I go to the VA and see and hear the tragedy of war from the veterans that are physically and mentally scarred by formaer and currents wars. Truly mind boggling. 

Anyway I am in a quandary as what to do now since I have temporarily stopped going to school to focus on my new challenge and refocus on other issues that need to be addressed. When it happens I will update my blog with the new details of my journey

Wish me luck.

Kirk

Getting better

I am presently in a self help program in VA Hospital here in Cleveland - It is helping me resolve some of my issues with grieving and accepting death and dying and how it impacts my mental state . I am  learning more about myself everyday I am there. I will be there until the end of the month and I will graduate and become a part of the program alumni .

So far it is going great . I am have met some nice people in the program who have similar problems with some of my issues. I am not sure if I am going to meet someone who has lost a loved one to suicide. and I am hoping I will. It is vital that I do since that is one of my major issues next to losing my mom . The programs consists of dealing with mental ilneses on a generalized basis, HIV seminars, anger management  and stress reduction classes, -the last session of the day consists of a movie or  a motivating exercise to end the day. Quite interesting to say the least . I cannot reveal a lot due to confidentiality  issues with the veterans and staff.- If I have not mentioned in my earlier blogs I am a honorably discharged Marine

This will be my second week starting Monday and already that anxiety is always present and wating it seems -I am now thinking  if I want to go tomorrow or not . That is my subconscious  thought  pattern at work. My defender from the past. I am learning to tone and alleviate the anxiety that I feel before each day ends and another one begins. It is the most difficult thing that I have to do  The staff and my immediate friends are helping me get pass this.

Well I will end her until the next time since I am having problems with the editor for my blog UGH
and I can feel my frustration increasing .
Ciao
Kirk

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