Friday, May 23, 2008

In memoriam of life events

Today I went to visit my mom's gravesite and pay my respects on this day of her birth -she will be 81 if she was still alive and although I know she is in a better place I still miss her deeplly -It is additionally hard to deal  with when I am grieving the loss of her along with my best friend who committed suicide in 2003 and also dealing with  my diagnosis of prostate cancer as of March 17th St.Patrick's Day. I have been told that I am dealing with it pretty good and I think I am also , but I do wonder sometime and question if I should be dealing with it differently based the severity and time span that these events which was in a five year period. I am getting the idea that these are wake up calls to be more cognizant of who I am and If I dont know then I should pursue those goals. That means emotionally ,spiritually and physically my objective is to improve upon those areas. 

Unfortunately these issues are now affecting how I am looking at my life presently -it has affected my concentration on my educational goals. I am falling behind in my studies -my motivation has changed in that regard . I wont go into too much more than that. 

No one knows or would volunteer to walk in my shoes , sometimes I wish I didnt either. Everyone has a slew of problems that they have to deal with and I do understand that. But I do get frustrated with how they think you should be further along than you are in your recovery. 

Experience is the best teacher and I would welcome to just experience what I have been through and dont judge until you do. I am getting a little upset and this is therapeutic for me -I do wonder also if many people read my blog -it is me today in raw form since my feelings are posted in this blog. 

So I will end this and wish all my potential and interested readers a happy Memorial Day and God bless our veterans -I am a proud Marine honorably discharged.

Until next time

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